i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
