So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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