gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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