i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize