Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
