whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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