last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
