Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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