remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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