I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
