A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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