My girlfriend figured out who you are.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
