My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize