We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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