how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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