There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
