I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
and she was petting her beer can
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
