he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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