I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
