dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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