I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
