Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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