Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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