haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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