i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
