I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
