4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
