i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
