a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
