so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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