I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize