Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
