Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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