thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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