Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.

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(509): View more from Washington

Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.

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(301): View more from Maryland

you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.

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(516): View more from New York

If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles

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(325): View more from Texas

I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...

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(360): View more from Washington

What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.

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