I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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