who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
