I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
