I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
