So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
