On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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