Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just pee around me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
