if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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