I want to make a zoo with you.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
