mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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