Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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