Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize