i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
