I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
