my sisters under your porch take her home
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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