is your mom at the bar?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
