Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
That reminds me...we need to get swords
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
