I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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