we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My vagina just clenched in fear
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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