yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
