he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
