Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
