lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
