and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
