Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
