Swine flu is the new snow day.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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