I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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