Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
