So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize