I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
