The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
