so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
