You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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