Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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