Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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