dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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