Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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