Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
