I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if only i could text you this smell
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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