are you still at the devil's house?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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