shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize