So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I didn't notice because vodka
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
