stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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