found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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