It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
