phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
