I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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