i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
