No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Alive.
So much puke
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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