I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
