Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You were trust falling into bushes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
