Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
