I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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