She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
