he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
