I didn't shave. On purpose
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
