Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
